Best Online Jokes, Online Riddles, Have Fun By Plamen Ivanov

Why is six afraid of seven?

Because seven "ate" nine!

What time is it when you have to go the dentist?

Tooth Hurty!

Who likes to drink cocoa?

A Cocoanut!

What did one eye say to the other eye?

Between you and me, something smells.

What did the teacher say when it rained cats and dogs?

Be careful not to step on a poodle!

What is even smarter than a talking bird?

A Spelling Bee!

Who is the greatest underwater spy?

James POND!

What sickness does a martial artist have?

Kung FLU!

What happens if you take a one hundred foot dive into a glass of gingerale?

Nothing! It's a SOFT drink!

Why did the students eat their homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!

What do you get if you mix a car, a fly, and a dog?

A flying carpet!

What do you call a worm with no teeth?

A gummy worm!

How did the telephone propose to the lady?

It gave her a ring!

What did the nut say when it sneezed?

"Cashew"!

What table can we eat?

A vegeTABLE!

What is a cannibal's favourite game?

Swallow the Leader!

Why didn't the skeleton dance?

Because he had nobody to dance with!

Why did the boy put lipstick on his head?

Because he wanted to make up his mind!

What happened to the dog that swallowed a watch?

It got ticks!

Who is the ruler of the beach?

The Sand-witch!

Which cat would you never play poker with?

A Cheetah!

Why did the kid cross the park?

To get to the other slide!

Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

Because the captain was sitting on the deck!

What do you call a fish without eyes?

A fsh!

Funny Top Ten Lists - Top 10 Signs That You're Getting Old By Don G. Asmus

- In the Spring, your fancy turns to thoughts of bringing up phlegm.

- You know how woolly mammoths did it.

- You only continue to work for the death benefits.

- Sun damage has turned more than 50% of your face into suede.

- You assume that "The Grateful Dead" were a bunch of women with oversexed husbands.

- Your favorite pickup joint has emergency pull chains in the rest rooms.

- More and more friends are dying in tongue scraper accidents.

- All your girlfriends are on the lookout for a good stool softener.

- Only a bulky diaper prevents you from pulling your pants all the way up to your armpits.

- Your skin temperature is roughly the same as a banana daiquiri.

Even if you don't have any of the foregoing signs of aging, it doesn't necessarily mean that you're out of the woods. You had better check to make sure you don't have any of the following lesser-known signs of impending geezerhood ...

- You choose your friends on their ability to serve as pallbearers.

- You have at least one stump.

- All your pets are on the endangered species list.

- An acupuncturist informs you that your Yin has left your Yang.

- The couple sitting behind you in the theatre ask you to "lower your hump."

- Your sperm refuse to swim uphill.

- You always consult a mortician before buying new clothes.

- -Viagra- is backing up into your truss.

- You only seek immediate medical attention for a sink hole that lasts longer than four hours.

- Spirited foreplay causes death rales.

If you would like to conduct some additional research about the aging process on your own, we highly recommend the following textbooks:

(1) "Who's Who in Prostate Enlargement"
(2) "Two on a Spinster: Shocking Report on Nursing Home Sex"
(3) "Consumers Guide to Environmentally Friendly Headstones"
(4) "The Joy of Moving Your Bowels"
(5) "Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Sputum, But Were Afraid to Bring Up"

Actor Auditions - 3 Ways to Know How Many You Should Get By Melody Jackson

Ever been upset or confused about why you're not getting more auditions? Like many actors, you KNOW you could do the job. So why aren't you at least getting an audition? This article will help you understand how many auditions you should reasonably be getting, particularly if you are not earning more than "scale." And if you don't know what "scale" is, then this is especially for you. Here are 3 points to give you perspective on how much you should be going out for roles.

1. If you rely only on your agent for auditions, you will have very few.
2. How often you are putting yourself in a "space of opportunity," one that that could turn out to be "the right place at the right time?"

Actors often blame "luck" for success or lack of it. But that does you little good because it leaves you at the mercy of wherever "luck" comes from. You CAN create opportunities. The famous quote goes something like, "Luck is where hard work and opportunity meet." In other words, staying at home disappointed your friend got another audition that you didn't does you no good. You need to get out in the industry, attend screenings, join independent film groups, or go to networking events. Put yourself in a "space of opportunity" where things can happen. P.S. "scale" refers to the minimum wages that SAG actors must be compensated for their work.

3. How much of "The Fate of Your Acting Career" do you believe lies in your hands?

The more you believe the fate of your acting career lies outside of you, the less likely things will happen for you. Over 98% of the aspiring actors in Los Angeles believe that they have very little to do with the real fate of their careers. (I made the number up, but it sounds right!)

Many actors believe that if they get a good headshot and resume, take a bunch of classes, do a few submissions, and simply want it really badly, then that's all they can do. But just like for Oedipus, believing this is what fulfills your fate. If you believe you have no control, you do nothing more, and nothing happens for you.

Want to exponentially multiply your chances of something big happening? Start by believing 100% that your actions can make something happen. When you are 100% clear about that, you will find new actions to take to make things happen.

So now, back to the original question: How many auditions should you be getting? You do the math. There are tens of thousands of actors and a few dozen roles each week. Depending on how much you set yourself apart from your competition, you could be going out for almost every role that you're right for or you could be going out for none of them. But first you must come to the whole audition process from a place where you are in control of and taking action with your career, not simply waiting and hoping for that next role to find you.

Never leave all the work of getting auditions up to your agent. Market yourself, build your own connections, and initiate work on your own. Get as many casting directors to know your work as possible. As you move up in your career, create new connections at the next level up, but not necessarily at the super high level. Contacts at really high levels can't help you when you're starting out because they don't know the middle people who can cast you, so connect to people at one or two levels up from where you are.

10 Ways to Improve Your Singing and Enhance Your Performance By Carolyn Anderson Platinum Quality Author

Singing is indeed a great talent but if you can learn to develop and improve it more and sing like a pro, for sure you will come a long, long way in entertaining a lot of people. If you have that great talent for singing, for sure, you can find many ways to improve your singing. Making good use of your voice can be very rewarding and it might give you a break in the music industry.

Aside from music schools where you can enhance your singing voice, you can also learn by yourself some ways to improve your singing. Here are some that you might find useful.

(1) Remember to sing with your diaphragm, not with your throat. This will help you in reaching big notes and give you the air supply needed to sustain long notes.

(2) Believe in yourself. Be confident. If you have the talent, believe that you can sing and you can deliver the song very well. You can deliver a good song and a good performance if you are confident about it.

(3) Practice proper posture. This will not only make you look pleasing onstage but it will also help you breathe properly, which is needed in your singing.

(4) Relax and take time to massage your face, your jaw and exercise your mouth before a performance to help you release tension on the muscles in those areas, which are needed in your singing.

(5) Practice singing in front of your family and friends. You can also start singing in front of smaller crowds to help you build the confidence and develop your stage presence.

(6) Find your vocal range. To be able to sing like a pro, you have to know which vocal range your are singing comfortably. This will help you prevent any attempts on bigger songs that may not fit for your voice. At least at the start, sing songs that are in your vocal range. You can try to develop others later.

(7) Do breathing exercises. Proper breathing is essential and this is also one of the effective ways to improve your singing. Being able to breath properly will help you reach higher and bigger notes and it will also give you enough air supply to sustain long notes.

(8) Learn to read music. Do not just sing. Learn to read music. Although there are singers who do not know how to read music, it is a big advantage for you if you know how to read. It is also one of the good ways to improve your singing and in training.

(9) Practice makes perfect. Probably the best of all ways to improve your singing is to practice. Sing whenever you can. Practice the skill of entertaining people. This will also help you build and perfect your style in singing, you stage presence, your connection to the audience and in enhancing your singing voice as well.

(10) Take care of your voice. Your efforts in improving your singing voice will all be put to waste if you are not taking care of it. Do not drink cold water after a performance. Refrain talking in noisy places that will make you yell, this can damage your voice.

Download Hip Hop Instrumental Beats

Mistakes to Avoid When Buying Your First Guitar

Buying your very first guitar can be a thrilling experience. As you make your way to the music store in anticipation of your new purchase, you begin to dream about the new adventure you are about to embark upon. Visions of being the next rising star begin filling your mind. You can just see yourself standing in the spotlight with thousands of fans cheering you on as you play their favorite songs.
Buy the time you enter into the store your adrenaline is surging through your body, as you await the ecstasy of holding that new glistening guitar in you hands. I know how you feel. In fact I remember it like it was yesterday. I commend you on your decision to step out and begin this fantastic journey. But before you step into that music store, I have some advice I would like to share with you that will save you time, heartache, and even some money. You see there are 4 common mistakes many make when buying their first guitar and I want to help you to avoid making them.
Don't buy the first guitar you pick up. Play several different models. Remember, every instrument is different. Find one that not only looks and sounds good, but one that feels good in your hands. Make sure all the strings ring out with no buzzing. Also shop around. Prices will vary from store to store.
Don't let the sales person pressure you into buying something you don't want. Remember most sales people work on commission. They want you to buy a high dollar item. So, go in knowing what you want to spend and don't spend anymore than that. Do your homework. Know what the guitar is selling for before you go into the store.
Don't buy all the extras. Again some sales people will try to get add on sales to up their commission. Hey they are trying to make a living. But, when you are just starting out you don't need a lot of extras. Besides the guitar, a cheap tuner, some picks and a strap are really all you need. Now if you are buying an electric guitar you will also need a cable and a small practice amp. That is really all you need to get started playing with the exception of the item below.
Do buy a case, preferably a hard shell case. This is a huge mistake many make, not buying a hard case. You want you new purchase to be protected when you are not playing, storing or even traveling with you guitar. Don't be cheap here. Now you don't have to buy a top of the line case, but do get one that will protect you guitar if something were to fall or it or you were to drop it. Case in point, I once saw a luggage handler at an airport in Chicago toss my guitar case onto the luggage cart. The worst of it was that his aim was bad and my guitar landed on the concrete next to the cart. Luckily I have a good travel case other wise my instrument would have been damaged. The moral of the story, buy a good case.

Digital Photography - How to Turn Your Hobby Into a Business

Business Cards Are Key to Promoting a Photography Business

Photography is a very popular hobby. It can also be extremely lucrative. Many photographers aspire to make money doing their life's passion. Some want only a side income while others want it to eventually their full time gig. Unfortunately, the field of photography services is extremely competitive. Like any business, building a client base comes down to proper promotion. Business cards are an excellent and cost-effective way to do this. Here are some things you should consider.
First of, be sure to get proper business cards. Some people do not feel the need and simply write down their contact information on a scrap of paper. While this can potentially work (especially if you have a good reputation) you will come across as not being very serious. Business cards make you look like a professional, while those without them seem like amateurs. Don't worry those as printing cards is not very expensive.
Once you have your cards designed, you need to get them out to prospective clients. Don't be the person constantly giving them out. This can get annoying, especially to friends and family. This doesn't work well because people in general do not like to be hustled. Take the time to get to know someone and learn about their needs. If you think you can help them, give them your card. This is a lot different than someone making some quick small talk and handing them a card. This doesn't come off as genuine.
Promotion is critical to the success of a photography business. Business cards are a key part of this. Be sure to properly hand them out.